Few things in life challenge the definition of “normal” than newborns. In fact, the most frequent response we received from nurses and midwives was, “That is normal.” I was utterly surprised by my daughter in so many ways which turned out to be normal that I doubted if I was normal. “Does everybody know this? How come this is the first time I hear about it? Shouldn’t this be on the Discovery Channel and get cycled over and over every week?”
So here go some normal things that newborns just decide to do, in case you ever wonder. (But why would you? They are normal.) Chances are you know that Pluto is no longer a planet, that whales are not fish, and that the largest organ of the human body is the skin, but the fact that some of these normal things manage to elude you for this long can be mind-bending. If you are not a parent and haven’t passed med school, yet you know them all, I applaud you and you deserve a medal from all humanity. For the rest of you, buckle up…
They Poop Black
Just let that sink in for a bit…
Oh, my surprise didn’t end there. It was thick and viscous and took me minutes to wipe clean. The color and texture combined, reminded me of tar, you know, the black evil-looking liquid they use for pavements. No, you haven’t just given birth to an alien. Remember, that is a normal child you got there.
After a day, it would traverse the palette through green, brown, and yellow. All normal. It’s the white you should be concerned about. Hey! At least it doesn’t smell. At all!
Self-Destruct Buttons
I think babies come with self-destruct buttons because I have no other way of conceptualizing the soft spots (fontanelle). So we have these most vulnerable human beings, and their weakest points are right on the top of their heads. How delightful.
Look, I knew about the soft spots, but seeing them firsthand was a whole new way of “knowing”. Did you know that they flutter up and down with heartbeats? Yeah. I can see my baby’s heartbeat. That’s not something easy to take your eyes, or mind, off of.
Cord-Cutting
I have always thought that the belly button is the remnant of the umbilical cord, until I saw my daughter’s. I was wrong. The umbilical cord kind of extends out from the belly button and is an entirely different color. After it’s cut, it dries up and falls off on its own. It’s a consolation to know that’s how it works because my imagined scenario seems a little, unsafe.
Day 1 Infant. Day 2 Puberty?!
It is normal (Of course!) for a baby girl to have a “period” during the first few days on earth. Apparently, it has something to do with hormones. For the same reason, she also had enlarged breasts. “Doctor, I think my daughter skipped some important stages of her life…”
They do disappear over time, so … that’s fine.
Anything Else? Oh Yes!
Let’s see… They shed skins like snakes. (Okay, I’m exaggerating a bit.) They have non-stop rashes and acne. They have milky tongues. Their heads come in a variety of shapes (but eventually settle in after a few months). They can spit up all the time. And they cry without tears for the first few weeks. (Are you sure you are not faking it??)
That’s just what I observe on my baby girl, and far from being the complete list. Honestly, after a few days, all parents emerge from these experiences with nerves of steel. I guess, that’s a good thing? Not sure how good it is, but hey, at least it’s normal.
~ Du