Almost 20 years ago (wow, has it been that long already?), I faced one of the toughest decisions in my life… picking a major. I, a teenager without any benefits of experience, prescience, or meaningful level of critical thinking, had to make a decision that would in many ways dictate the course of my life. Does that sound right to you?
Sure, I could change my mind at any point and start over, but at what cost? Just think about the time, resources, and opportunity, if (and that’s a big IF) I had the courage and luxury to abandon the course at all. But what can you do? Everybody had to do it, so I thought it wasn’t my place to question or contemplate the absurdity of that arrangement.
Fast forward 20 years, I, along with my wife, had to make another important decision, picking a healthcare professional for pregnancy and neonatal care. Again, I felt completely out of my depth to make the decision that would impact our family at the most vulnerable and dependent moments. We are talking about a new life here, kind of a big deal.
Help Me, Internet!
Our choice was deceptively simple: midwife, OB, or family doctor (GP), just pick one. In Canada, all three options are free of charge, although the referral time and availability of OB make it a bit less accessible. All of them are professionals who are certified to deliver babies. My wife was not in the high-risk group, so on the surface, it really made no difference.
For some people, maybe it was time to just roll the dice. But God doesn’t play dice (according to Einstein), and neither do I. Surely, there must be plenty of resources out there to help with a question as common as this one, right? Well, yes and no.
Not knowing exactly what to look for, I ended up in the rabbit hole of their technical differences and side issues such as birthing locations and pain management. It wasn’t helpful either that my search results were mostly tailored to a US audience with a very different healthcare system. In the end, I emerged from the Internet more confused than before.
Disclaimer First
Thankfully, we heard other parents sharing their birthing experiences and talked with a friend who was a midwife herself. These conversations painted a more complete picture of the experience we can expect from each profession and nudged us toward our final decision to go with a midwife collective, even though we already had a referral to an OB and our GP also made herself available for delivery.
Before I go any further, let me tell you that this is not medical advice. We don’t have any experience with OB or GP to produce any fair comparison. We are in Canada and belong to the low-risk group, so our experience may not necessarily translate to others.
Nevertheless, just like how our friends’ stories helped us make an informed, and spoiler alert, happy decision, I hope that ours can also contribute as a piece of additional information to others’ grand-decision-making process. While we are at it, I ended up finding several helpful websites for this matter with the benefit of hindsight. Feel free to peruse this and that for Canada, and this for the US.
Can I Have Your Attention, Please
One of the main reasons we chose midwives was the amount of time and attention we could expect from them. Canada is well-known for its universal healthcare system, one that I am eternally grateful for. However, since we don’t live in an economic utopia, free healthcare is also a double-edged sword, the other edge being the limited availability of healthcare professionals.
I’m not complaining here, and from what I see, Canada is doing reasonably well in managing the trade-off in good faith. Nevertheless, the reality was that if we wanted frequent and potentially lengthy consultations for a body-changing, mind-bending, and anxiety-inducing process, we thought we might have a much better chance with midwives.
A Big Package Deal
And boy, did we get a lot of help from them. Oh yes, we had more than one midwife, a lot more, but more on that later. They follow a standard prenatal checkup schedule, lasting 30 minutes per visit, during which they took the time to not only checked up on the mom and baby but also patiently and kindly answered all our questions and concerns, however silly they might have sounded.
They also offered prenatal classes at a charge (UPDATE: previously I thought it was free, but as it turned out we paid for it), where we got our minds blown by the excruciating details of the delivery process, which was a good thing because better blown then than during. We also connected with other first-time parents in the classes and formed a support community that was great to have before and after birth.
Granted, my wife’s labor was an agonizing ordeal, but that was no fault of theirs. They did all they could and never hesitated to meet us in the hospital to try and move things along. Sure, armed with 20/20 hindsight, people can (and did) say “should’ve done this, should’ve done that”, but in all honesty, I believe everyone operated on the best information at each step and made the best judgment despite the unfortunate turn of events.
Keep Them Coming
During our hospital stay, we received frequent visits from their team, including a lactation consultant whose presence and guidance were direly needed. Going through delivery for the first time was an overwhelming experience. It was a completely foreign environment, involving all kinds of procedures, where we knew almost nothing about what was going on or what would happen next. Against that backdrop, their constant support was not only helpful but also psychologically reassuring.
And it didn’t end there. During the first two weeks after discharge, they came to our place several times to check on the baby and my wife. That might not sound like much, but to us new parents who had a huge tonne of things to wrap our heads around, especially with one of us physically wounded, it was tremendously beneficial. The best part was, we didn’t even need to leave our place. Their support continued past those two weeks, by which time we would visit their office with our baby instead of staying at home.
About a month after the delivery, all the parents in our prenatal class had an online gathering organized by our midwives. We shared our different birthing experiences and showed off our kids. For some reason, all the sharing and hearing made us feel a lot less alone on this journey. Even though “sleep deprivation” was written across the faces of everyone except the babies and the midwife, I walked out of that meeting with just a bit more hope and strength.
What Else?
During my wife’s labor, we fully took advantage of their call support system. There was an urgent line that guaranteed a call back within 15 minutes. There was also a non-urgent line for us to ask basically any questions and get a reply within one or two days (can’t remember, we got a callback within a day).
The particular midwifery we chose was a large team of midwives rather than a single person. They constantly rotated their on-call shifts so there would always be a midwife available for our delivery. Naturally, we didn’t know which midwife would deliver our baby, but their arrangement actually addressed a primary concern of mine. Had we gone with one midwife, or GP/OB for that matter, what would happen if he or she was busy with another delivery, or sick, or occupied with personal matters? I’m sure there were measures for those situations, but wouldn’t a preemptive plan be better?
Overall, I felt well supported by our midwives throughout the pregnancy, delivery, and the first month and a half after birth. This whole journey felt like being launched into a boxing match that is a couple of weight classes above ours, but our midwives made it feel like we at least had a coach and support staff backing us up. Having access to their reservoir of patience, attentiveness, and advocacy gave us the peace of mind that we desperately needed.
Disclaimer Second
Look, I’m not paid to advertise for them. I just want to offer one long-winded description of what it’s like to have a delivery with midwives for anyone who is curious or interested. I sure have benefited from my friends sharing their experiences, so here goes mine. If anyone is interested to know more about the midwifery organization we used, it’s called Inlet Community Birth Program. They are located in Port Moody, so feel free to contact them and get more information if you live in the general area (BBY/COQ/PoMo) and are expecting.
I don’t know, perhaps your prospective OB or GP also offers the same level of attention and care, if not more. But at least now you know what questions to ask and what you can expect. With that, you can try to get the best care for yourself and your family. That’s the whole point.
By the way, there are men who are studying to practice midwifery, too. And no, they will not be called “midhusbands”. The “wife” in “midwife” refers to the client, not the practitioner. Pretty cool, you always learn something new.
~ Du